Do you ever wonder who that voice is in your mind? You know, the constant chatter-box, always giving its opinions, ideas and judgements?
I like to call it the inner gremlin – and for ease, I call her a “she”, or “Grem” for short.
This is based upon my own interpretation & experience.
How to Spot the Inner Gremlin.
She speaks to you in a negative tone.. “You always mess up”.. “That sounded stupid”.. “No one likes you”.. “Don’t take that chance, you’ll blow it anyway”.. “Just give up now, what’s the point?!”
She pushes you into temptation. Ever wonder why you can’t resist certain things & cannot break habits? No matter how much you want to stop? Grem is the culprit. Grem is all take, no give.
Grem might even enjoy the suffering of someone else – especially if Grem feels inferior to that person.
Grem lives mostly in survival mode – with the focus being that she must take to survive – whether that be in food consumption, stimulants, energy from others, and many other things.
She also grips onto attachments + possessions because she lives in a state of lack. Nothing ever seems to be enough for Grem.
And Grem grows in power when she goes unseen. Like a kid in a sweet shop – Grem runs riot when there’s no authority around.
Where does the Grem come from?
As babies, we were without thoughts. We were just pure awareness.
Overtime, the Grem begins to construct an identity out of:
- Praise and punishment
- Comparison
- Trauma
- Hope and fear
- Beliefs from family
It strings these into a story:
“I have things to prove. I must defend and improve myself. I am not enough”
But this “someone” is not real—it’s a mental structure, always maintained by thinking.
Grem is born when we identify with the thoughts. We believe Grem to just be an innate part of us, which keeps her alive.
How to free yourself from Grem?
Meditation, yoga + many other spiritual practices help to bring you into greater awareness of this Grem.
And once Grem knows that you’re aware? She starts to retreat back to herself. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights – she’s startled, she knows she’s been spotted; you’ve stopped the Grem in her tracks.
With this growing awareness, you’ll begin to immediately know when Grem’s around. Sometimes with just the light of awareness, she will dissipate. Other times, you could speak to her.
Interestingly, in my own experience, before knowing about Grem, I would talk to myself as if I was talking to another person. Sometimes I would speak to her with a nurturing tone, for example “Come on Jaqui – you know what you’re capable of, keep going”. But other times she needed tough love, and a more assertive tone would come through, e.g “Jaqui, what are you thinking?! You know better than this. Sort yourself out woman!” And I remember feeling a part of me soften, and truly listen to what I was saying.
And now I see clearly, I was speaking to my gremlin, not to the real me. The real me was the one who was speaking!
And it’s as if the more I become aware of her, the more she realises she has no value, so she doesn’t bother showing up.
So the thoughts of self-doubt, fear, procrastination, self-sabotage? Gone.
But beware, for she can also ever so cunningly trick you.. Grem wants to be seen, recognised, even admired.. so she will throw in all sorts of thoughts in order to get the validation she craves.
“Say this – it’ll make you sound cool”. “Wear this – gain admiration”. “Be this kind of person”.. “Be spiritual”.. “Be recognised”..
So for me it’s been a process of disentangling myself from Grem. Maybe she played at important and necessary part at some stages in my life, but I can gladly say that I don’t need her anymore.
That’s not to say she doesn’t still lurk around.. I’m sure there might still be times that I don’t realise she’s taken the reigns again.. but I do know that for the most part, I am in control.