I want to share something with you. I came across this post that I wrote last year – and I’ve realised that while all of the below is true, I now know that there is a much deeper truth, and a solution which overrides ALL of the small steps to overcoming feeling fear, self-doubt or having any other negative perceptions of self or life.
1st Post:
I used to have so many moments where I felt that I could not speak up. My mind wanted to but I couldn’t bring my body to take the action. I remember when it got really bad, and even just to ask my boss for extra time off, I would clam up inside and would feel my heart beating in my chest. This would be the same for speaking up in meetings, or just speaking among groups of people. I also remember feeling this way if I had an angry or frustrated customer on the phone.
While it’s labelled as anxiety, it really boils down to feeling fear and unsafe within the body. And this feeling is picked up, or learnt, somewhere along the journey of your life. As a child, maybe you saw conflict which made you dim yourself down and feel frightened. Or maybe you were told to never speak up, to always be quiet. Or maybe other kids at school made fun of you when you read a poem to the class. The body remembers the feelings from the past, and wants to keep you safe in the present by bringing those cues back up, reminding you of the feelings you felt before, so that you could prevent an ‘attack’, ‘belittlement’, or whatever it is.
I’m so glad to say I don’t feel this fear anymore! And while there is no quick fix, I am proof that you can overcome this in time, and start to feel safe within yourself again. Here are some tools that helped me:
1 – AWARENESS. This is vital for overcoming anything! As without awareness, we stay unconscious to what is happening. We might feel a tight chest or racing heart, but have no idea what it is or means. The first step is acknowledging what is happening in your body, and feeling all of the sensations. In this space, question yourself as to why you might be feeling this way. Take a moment with yourself, go somewhere quiet if you can.
2 – JOURNAL – Journalling is SO underrated! I think it’s a necessity to finding a connection to yourself. We go through life so unconsciously, constantly moving onto the next thing, but never truly stopping and acknowledging how we feel in any given moment, not to mention WHY we feel a certain way. Journalling will also help you to get your thoughts out on paper, and to delve deeper into your patterns, to understand where they may have stemmed from.
3 – MEDITATION – Another majorly underrated tool. Meditation, done consistently, allows the monkey-mind to quieten down, bringing you into peace, and allowing for more introspection. This goes hand-in-hand with yoga, with which you focus the mind on the body, so the thinking naturally ceases.
These are just a few of the many tools and techniques to help with overcoming feeling fear within the body.
ABOVE CREATED 12/07/24
UPDATE 13/07/25 – While I still believe this is all true, it is only true for the artificial self (the illusion of self).
Within the last year I now know and experience a higher truth – which overrides ALL of the above, which is this:
You only ever will feel fear, self-doubt or unworthiness if you believe you are a separate person – if you identify as a someone.
And I know this might be hard to grasp, so allow me to ask a few questions:
- What stories about yourself have you created through life experiences?
- What is the perception you have about yourself as a “person”? E.g are you kind, friendly, confident, or awkward, fearful, defensive, people-pleasing, trustworthy, optimistic, false, or all of the above, depending on the situation or people you are with?
- Could it be that the life experiences and the stories which you created from those experiences are what have shaped the perception you have of yourself?
- In that case, what is true? If your personality, which can change at any time, is based upon the stories you created through life experiences, then what is true? Or is it simply that you are believing in a story — which ultimately is a thought/belief?
Life happens. Stuff happens. Even nasty, shameful, hurtful stuff. But that’s coming from the perception of the artificial self. The “personality”.
What if it wasn’t nasty, shameful or hurtful? And that those words are labels that we place upon the natural occurrence of life happening as it’s meant to?
What if it’s neutral? And rather than looking at those situations through a foggy lens, you see the crystal clear truth?
The issue is that we become so identified with the stories, the occurrences in life, that we believe that that’s who we are.
So we cling to outcomes being a certain way.. we have expectations of people.. we make judgements, we hold onto “possessions”, “attachments”.. which keeps us in a state of never feeling satisfied, and always in a state of lack – never having or being “enough”.. but the truth is:
We are NOT what is happening, e.g the thoughts, the situations, events, the emotions, beliefs and so on..
We are the one who is WITNESSING it all.
In other words, we are NOT the character in the movie – we are the one who is watching.
So if I was to re-write the above post from 1 year ago, I would say this:
I used to have so many moments where I felt that I could not speak up. My mind wanted to but I couldn’t bring my body to take the action. I remember when it got really bad, and even just to ask my boss for extra time off, I would clam up inside and would feel my heart beating in my chest. This would be the same for speaking up in meetings, or just speaking among groups of people. I also remember feeling this way if I had an angry customer on the phone.
While it’s labelled as anxiety, it really boils down to feeling fearful and unsafe within the body. And this feeling is picked up, or learnt, somewhere along the journey of your life. As a child, maybe you saw conflict which made you dim yourself down and feel frightened. Or maybe you were told to never speak up, to always be quiet. Or maybe other kids at school made fun of you when you read a poem to the class. The body remembers the feelings from the past, and wants to keep you safe in the present by bringing those cues back up, reminding you of the feelings you felt before, so that you could prevent an ‘attack’, ‘belittlement’, or whatever it is.
I’m so glad to say I don’t feel this fear anymore! And while there is no quick fix, I am proof that you can overcome this in time, and start to feel safe within yourself again. Here is what helped me:
REALISE THAT YOU ARE NOT THE STORIES – UNLEARN WHO YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE.
For me it has been a process of peeling back and shedding the layers of lies and false beliefs, to unearth the REAL ME that has been there all along. And now it’s so clear.
The real me is not fearful, possessive, inferior or lacking. But rather, I am whole, at peace, secure within my being, and I have full faith and trust in my own guidance system.
And THAT is our natural state – to be at peace within ourselves – to feel whole, with no lack, and no attachments.
I wish for every being to come to this realisation.
And if you would like assistance in coming back to the truth of yourself, while peeling away every false layer, every limiting belief, thought, or wrong perception of yourself, I invite you into my 1:1 mentorship programme. Feel free to contact me. I am available for you.
Jaqui x